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Thursday, November 18, 2010

letting go....=) (part8)


hey...it's me again...
just yesterday, we had or conversation on facebook...
i wrote on your wall...you wrote on my wall....
and it goes back and forth util you felt sleepy.....
during our wall to wall conversation.....i did noticed something...
you are acting quite different yesterday night...
and you said the same thing to me...
but you noticed it first.....you said it's not you were having the conversation with me....
then i confused and i asked....why??
but you prefer not to tell me.....during the conversation i can feel that you have something to tell me but you were keeping it to yourself.....i dont know why....
maybe you think this is just not the right time....
but the, not long after, i got a message on my phone...
and you said something that i've said to you before....
that is...
"certain things are better left to be untold..."
i understand that.....
but i still left confused that night.....
after you left our conversation, i cant stop wondering on what actually are you hiding from me..
i just cant help it....
i really wan to know the thing that you want to say....
but as you said....i'll just keep waiting until the right time for me to know comes....
till then, i'll just have to wait patiently....
then, just early today....
i saw your status update on your facebook....
it was really sweet and if it not intended for me, it's okay....
i'll perfectly understand....
it sounds like this....
"if you're alone, i will be your shadow. if you want to cry, i will be your shoulder. if you want a hug, i will be your pillow. and if you need to be happy, i will be your smile..."
this quote brings a lot of meaning in my interpretation...
i guess, the person who intended with this quote will definitely happy if gets it....
and i;ll be happy to look from afar....
do you want to know something??
all this while....i actually realized that both of us does have a very strong barrier....
and i do think that is because of your deep feelings toward the one that you really love....
our conversation and communication only restricted to few platforms.....
we only did communicate mostly through facebook....
and that is it.....
unlike the other person....i'm actually a little bit jealous....
but then, i think i'll just have to take it positively....
from what i see.....
both of you are intimate online and offline....
if you guys are not on facebook, you guys keep texting each other.....
frequent phone calls.....even when you guys meet up....
both of you got a lot of things to talk about.....
but things are different when i actually meet you face to face.....
i'll be completely quiet and numb....
i maybe seems loud when we're not face to face but in reality.....
i'm just very afraid that you might read my feelings towards you....
but since yesterday you once said you knew me very well already....
i guess..there is no point of me hiding this feeling anymore......
but i still do think that i still dont have the courage to be clear with you yet....
since you were having a very good time with him......
just a a few minutes ago....
i opened up your page on facebook....
and i saw your conversation with him.....
and at that point.....i knew something....
that i will never match him to win your heart.....
it's true.....
and i'll be okay with it.....

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